Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Witticisms & Useful Quotes

OK, they probably really aren't useful or witty but for some reason, these are so un-PC that I just have to post them. I personally laughed my a** off, but that's just me...

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be open when she brings it.

Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts the sentence with "A man once told me....."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the stove.

Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

It's all in good fun. Enjoy it then.

2 comments:

:lauren: said...

oh, greg...if i didn't love you so much we might have had words about this.... ;)

Anonymous said...

Greg is just a bag of hot air. He is a loving husband and not sexist at all. He just has to play tough guy. Kind of like you Lauren, your blog isn't really a total reflection of the sweet, gentle young woman you are. I'm glad we all know each other now. We love you Lauren!