Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Two Months
It has been two months today that Wyatt left this earth. Actually it was last night at about 6:00 pm that he died and it was about 9:30 pm that we found out about it. And now we are two months into a new lifetime. One that does not include our only son. Each day I wonder what the day will hold. And I live each day minute by minute. There is a new awareness that anything can happen in life. It is not safe or guaranteed to be happy. And though this sounds like living in fear, it really isn't. It is living in reality and truth. It opens the door to a life rich in awareness of the beauty that exists in the midst of the brokenness. It is so temporary, our life on this earth. Life consists of time, time consists of change, change consists of mystery, and mystery consists of God in our world. And when we draw our last breath we enter into the mystery of the presense of God. And that is where Wyatt is forever. God knows the number of our days even before our birth, he has plans for us. And though I will never understand why Wyatt's life was short, I trust God has never left him and in fact has drawn Wyatt to himself. So even though I will miss Wyatt with every fiber of my body as long as I live I know he is in heaven. And that will have to be enough for us all. I know the waves of grief will wash over me my whole life, they are a part of my new life. I know nothing can fill the part of my heart that has been amputated, and I don't want it to. But there is still life for me to live. And this new awareness of the beauty of the human spirit and the beauty of nature will sustain me. God has a plan and I choose to cooperate. He is with us even to the end. Wyatt I love you, you still live in my heart. Say hi to Grandma and Danny.
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3 comments:
it really is how you explain it--it seems like forever, and it also seems like just yesterday. after the shock of Wyatt dying, so young, i too decided to live minute by minute. there isnt one day that i now allow to go by w/o telling the ones special in my life that they make me happy--that i love them--miss them. you never know when you are going to leave this earth, so now we have learned to do this day by day--and none of is will ever forget Wyatt. the ways that he has touched each of us individually will forever live on.
Oh Jeannie;
As I read your last message over it brings tears to my eyes. I too had all those feelings almost 8 yeaars ago & still it makes me cry.
It certianly is a new life. As we've talked before, there is our life before our son's died & life after. We are never the same again & we don't want to be. Wyatt & Cole are physically not coming home to tease us or tell us they love their mothers or for us to see their good looking faces. But I believe that they are still loveing us & are present in spirit.
I am so glad that you are finding some comfort in how God has provided all these special messages for you & your family. It truly is so neat to be able to hear from all these different folks, their stories & thoughts & dreams about Wyatt are such a comfort. These messages allow the memories of Wyatte to live on for you. What a great comfort his friends are giving you & your family. It's true we as Mothers want just to here our childrens names over & over. We never want them forgotton. We want people to come us to us & talk about our boys even if we cry we want our friends to talk about our sons.
You are doing great & remember No matter what we do in grief, if it's not illegal, imoral(SP), or hurts anyone it's OK.
If I don't see you before you leave for DC have a wonderful time & know I love you all.
Judy
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