I thought it was time to post again. I just want to share some updates I guess. The Peace Corps is trying to be very helpful. Next week we should have the full accident report and pictures of the hotel. At that point a medical person with the Peace Corps is going to go through everything with us. This person will answer questions, explain Wyatt's injuries, and try to give us a feeling of knowing the facts. I am thankful for this. It has relieved a lot of stress this week I think.
Also this week I have gotten so many emails from people who care. They are so healing to me. You know who you are, I love you for it! Last night I talked for two hours with Lauren. This is such a miracle that has resulted from Wyatt's death. Maybe we would have met someday, I don't know. But Lauren is amazing and I love her. I know we will always be close. I started going to my Bible study and to Renovare. I didn't know it I would ever feel like it again. I was able to share openly at Renovare, and to receive such kindness from my friends there. Greg and I and the girls have been able to talk and laugh. And we have a trip to look forward to in a couple of weeks. So you can see what is helping me, love. Thank you to all of you who love us. We love you too, from the bottom of our hearts. Through this sorrow, there are gifts. And there are things to learn. This is what is meant when the Bible says "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted". I never understood it until now. His rod and His staff do comfort me. I asked God "What are your rod and staff?" He is showing me, He is right here. His rod and staff are the lessons he will teach me if I reach out and hold onto his staff to guide me. They are all about love. Simple but profound. Love is where Wyatt lives now. I am learning to live one second to the next. It isn't about being good. It isn't about worrying about anything. It is about breathing in and out, living. And just choosing to love with that breathe, the one you are taking right now. And when you take a breathe that isn't filled with love, feel the difference. Wyatt is so close when I love. I am sure you all think I am off my rocker. But it really all we have. Because when Wyatt fell, in a split second he was gone. But God caught Him in that split second. And even though he seems so far away, how can that be so far? I don't think it is, I think it is right here in front of our faces. And each breathe you hold it the difference between being here and being there. Love never ends, so he isn't gone. Wyatt is in that pure love that he had for so many people, and the love we all had for him. I suppose this seems very abstract, but I can say with certainty it is true.
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6 comments:
jeannie,
i know we don't know each other but lauren is my best friend. i'm so happy that you have connected with her, and so glad that wyatt was a part of her life.
i lost my uncle a over a year ago and the message he kept repeating to us before he left was to love - openly and freely. i feel that him and wyatt were on the same page about life :)
keep loving and laughing...his spirit is ALWAYS near.
-katy
Thank you Katy. It is a true gift that Lauren is now a part of our lives. I know why Wyatt loved her. And he was so lucky she loved him. If only things could have happened differently. I am determined to live on the same page as your uncle and Wyatt. It is the only thing in this world that will last. I see it in a new way now. I plan to love with abandon. Wyatt is so so close in that love.
Thank you, Jeannie... I am so very, very grateful for you. It will be wonderful to see you when you visit.
much love...
Jeannie and Greg--
I want to say that I have been thinking of all of you a great deal since our "DC crew" made the trip out to Dell Rapids for Wyatt's service. I feel badly that I haven't let you all know that. I just heard that you all will be in DC soon and I want to make sure that I get to see you and hug you and feed you! (That was one of my all-time favorite things about Wyatt--always so feedable!) I know Don will make sure that we all get in touch, but here's my contact info just for grins.
Kasha Mustin
2901 15th St., NW
Washington, DC 20009
202-744-8871
kasha_mustin@yahoo.com
I don't have email access very frequently, so if you need to get to me quickly, try another method.
In response to your post, Jeannie--the idea of breathing love feels concrete to me somehow, because when you reminded me to do it, I felt instantly different and comforted. I appreciate your wisdom and your willingness to share all of your feelings with us--whether they be positive or negative. Your honesty has taught me a great deal. I am very excited to see you and Greg again in person.
--Kasha
Everything about your post is so true. There are so many decisions we make that we don’t stop to consider the impact of. Choosing to love with every breath is an amazing thought. Compare that to choosing indifference or hate. Indifference and hate are easy, but they are not true emotions, they are more like masks. Love is risky, leaves you vulnerable and goes against our nature, but its reward is so much sweeter than the finest revenge or the perfect solitude. Love and grace are the most powerful forces in the universe. I know that none of you wanted to be the poster child for this horrible tragedy, but you are learning so much and teaching the rest of us to. Thanks for sharing your true feelings with us.
Sara
None of what you are saying and feeling is at all abstract. Wyatt's presence is still very strong in the world, not simply in our memories, but as a living presence in our lives. I'm glad that you are being sustained by the love that Wyatt has brought to the world.
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