Two Months

It has been two months today that Wyatt left this earth. Actually it was last night at about 6:00 pm that he died and it was about 9:30 pm that we found out about it. And now we are two months into a new lifetime. One that does not include our only son. Each day I wonder what the day will hold. And I live each day minute by minute. There is a new awareness that anything can happen in life. It is not safe or guaranteed to be happy. And though this sounds like living in fear, it really isn't. It is living in reality and truth. It opens the door to a life rich in awareness of the beauty that exists in the midst of the brokenness. It is so temporary, our life on this earth. Life consists of time, time consists of change, change consists of mystery, and mystery consists of God in our world. And when we draw our last breath we enter into the mystery of the presense of God. And that is where Wyatt is forever. God knows the number of our days even before our birth, he has plans for us. And though I will never understand why Wyatt's life was short, I trust God has never left him and in fact has drawn Wyatt to himself. So even though I will miss Wyatt with every fiber of my body as long as I live I know he is in heaven. And that will have to be enough for us all. I know the waves of grief will wash over me my whole life, they are a part of my new life. I know nothing can fill the part of my heart that has been amputated, and I don't want it to. But there is still life for me to live. And this new awareness of the beauty of the human spirit and the beauty of nature will sustain me. God has a plan and I choose to cooperate. He is with us even to the end. Wyatt I love you, you still live in my heart. Say hi to Grandma and Danny.

Today is a good day

I thought it was time to post again. I just want to share some updates I guess. The Peace Corps is trying to be very helpful. Next week we should have the full accident report and pictures of the hotel. At that point a medical person with the Peace Corps is going to go through everything with us. This person will answer questions, explain Wyatt's injuries, and try to give us a feeling of knowing the facts. I am thankful for this. It has relieved a lot of stress this week I think.
Also this week I have gotten so many emails from people who care. They are so healing to me. You know who you are, I love you for it! Last night I talked for two hours with Lauren. This is such a miracle that has resulted from Wyatt's death. Maybe we would have met someday, I don't know. But Lauren is amazing and I love her. I know we will always be close. I started going to my Bible study and to Renovare. I didn't know it I would ever feel like it again. I was able to share openly at Renovare, and to receive such kindness from my friends there. Greg and I and the girls have been able to talk and laugh. And we have a trip to look forward to in a couple of weeks. So you can see what is helping me, love. Thank you to all of you who love us. We love you too, from the bottom of our hearts. Through this sorrow, there are gifts. And there are things to learn. This is what is meant when the Bible says "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted". I never understood it until now. His rod and His staff do comfort me. I asked God "What are your rod and staff?" He is showing me, He is right here. His rod and staff are the lessons he will teach me if I reach out and hold onto his staff to guide me. They are all about love. Simple but profound. Love is where Wyatt lives now. I am learning to live one second to the next. It isn't about being good. It isn't about worrying about anything. It is about breathing in and out, living. And just choosing to love with that breathe, the one you are taking right now. And when you take a breathe that isn't filled with love, feel the difference. Wyatt is so close when I love. I am sure you all think I am off my rocker. But it really all we have. Because when Wyatt fell, in a split second he was gone. But God caught Him in that split second. And even though he seems so far away, how can that be so far? I don't think it is, I think it is right here in front of our faces. And each breathe you hold it the difference between being here and being there. Love never ends, so he isn't gone. Wyatt is in that pure love that he had for so many people, and the love we all had for him. I suppose this seems very abstract, but I can say with certainty it is true.